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HEALTHY MIND, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Looking past the messiness.

I was in the church bathroom yesterday changing Faye into her backup dress because she had just spit up all over herself. There was a woman with her daughter in the bathroom, and she struck up a conversation with me.


She is beautiful, how old is she? 

Oh thank you! She is 6 months. 

Wow, she seems very aware.

Yeah, and very messy.

Oh, they all are.

That’s true, that’s why it’s good they are cute!

Yeah… I think we are all pretty messy though. 


That’s all she said. And then she smiled and left the bathroom.

I was left speechless. She was so right. We are all messy. Just because snot wasn’t running down my lip, and I didn’t have drool and spit up covering my dress didn’t mean that I was not a mess. It didn’t mean that I had it all together while I sit there and cleaned up my “messy” daughter in the church bathroom.

She hasn’t even had the opportunity to be a mess yet. If her messiness is all physical at this point, then she is doing a lot better than I am. She doesn’t envy, she doesn’t judge. She hasn’t manipulated people to get what she wants yet. She hasn’t put other people down to make herself feel better. She hasn’t posted a picture on Instagram to make it look like she has the picture perfect life. She is who she is. She comes as she is.

The whole way home from church I was resonating on that single statement. I am a complete mess. Somedays I put on a smile just to appease people. I hide my mess very well, but it is hard to find joy while doing that. Faye wears her mess on her face, and smiles through it. You don’t see the mess because you see the joy on her little face. I want to be like that. I want to wear my mess, and not feel as if I have to hide it, and then find freedom and joy in that. I want to be vulnerable and transparent.

As good as this week was, it has also been a hard one for our family. It seems like there are a lot of changes and transitions going on all at once, and we kind of feel like a rug has been ripped out from under us, and we can’t quite find our footing. We know that there will be a rope thrown out to us at some point, but for now we are just figuring out what we need to do for the time being. The other night Goodman and I were having a conversation, and as we were sitting there, I started to cry. As we were talking, I started thinking about our little girl. I started to think about how no matter how messy our life is, and no matter how messy we are as her parents, she still looks at us with those adoring eyes. She still gives us her million dollar smile every time she sees us. The way she views us is not contingent on how “together” we have things. I want to see Goodman that way. I want to see people that way. I want to look past the mess and see them for who they are. See their heart.

I know I can’t do this perfectly, and I know that it will be a constant struggle, but I think it’s one that’s worth working for. We are always going to have mess in our lives, and the sooner we recognize that and love people despite that, the sooner we are going to be able to have real and authentic relationships with one another.

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8 Comments

  • Reply haley

    I was just talking to a dear friend last night about vulnerability. And being able to love someone’s flaws, how that isn’t really easy. & sometimes it is dirty. But within choosing to love someone’s weaknesses & “messiness”, you find pure and unexplainable joy. & that becomes one of the most beautiful things to you. Love this post, Nikki! 🙂 its cool how God jumps in at the right time, to show you just how not alone you are in life. How we all are struggling, and all a little disorderly, confused & messy.

    October 20, 2015 at 10:52 am
    • Reply Nicole George

      Absolutely. Thank you for sharing that! It really does create such a special relationship once you are able to be messy and vulnerable with someone. It just breaks down those walls and allows us all to feel a little bit normal.

      October 20, 2015 at 2:14 pm
  • Reply Lisa Jacob

    This was a powerful blog. I totally see the need to read and re-read this as well as share it. What a beautiful reminder to love ourselves and others despite all the messiness that exists in each one of us.

    October 20, 2015 at 12:46 pm
  • Reply Dominion Gardening

    Valuable insight for realistic Christian living, i.e. Biblically oriented relationships and worldview. As we see ourselves aright (broken and messed up), we will view and treat others with mercy, grace, and charity.

    October 20, 2015 at 1:00 pm
    • Reply Nicole George

      Thank you for your insight! I definitely agree. There is no way we can love one another well unless we learn to see the mess in ourselves.

      October 20, 2015 at 2:15 pm
  • Reply amywprince

    I love this. So true and beautifully said.

    October 20, 2015 at 1:06 pm
  • Reply Meagan Jacob

    Awesome. I agree wholeheartedly!

    October 20, 2015 at 9:30 pm
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